So, here we go.
I’ve finished all my classes and all my final projects for the semester, as of Sunday. The radio show has gone off the air for the semester, and the community papers I write for are both on holiday breaks. My father, who had come to visit, just left. In one week I’ll leave for Haiti. I’m still trying to sell a few pieces to make that trip worth it. We fly back from Port-au-Prince on December 31 and I’m spending the next two nights with a friend from high school, and the following night I’ve got dinner plans in Montreal with friends from the St. Petersburg days (!). I get back to Quebec City on Friday morning, January 3. On January 6, I’ll wake up in the morning and…
And then what? The dreaded void.
Well, not really. I’ll still be freelancing for three magazines. The radio show will still exist. I’ll be up to my neck in paperwork for getting permanent residency status and finally renewing my diver’s license. Not to mention my final project for this master’s degree.
But classes are over, I have no permanent, steady job lined up, and I feel like I’m stepping into air. The moment which I’ve procrastinated since 2011 will be here. Life.
I guess it’s up to me to make of it what I can. To silence the inner voices calling me a coward,an imposter, a cry baby and all sorts of things that I know aren’t true, and believe that, eventually, if I look in the right places, at some reputable organization– a paper, a magazine, a web project, a radio station or (why not?) communications for a think-tank or a charity that works in conflict and post-conflict situations– there will be a puzzle piece shaped like me, and I’ll be able to do something that I enjoy, that I’m good at and that’s constructive for society. Preferably, of course, in journalism.
Time to scare away the little anxiety elves, buckle up and step on the gas.